hawthorneox: (LiraStars)
With my imminent 3:30am shift coming tomorrow (Friday) morning, I'm not-really-but-almost declaring my Boot Camp over. Was it a failed experiment? Well...

Any experiment you learn from can be counted as useful, even if the overall goal of the experimental criteria was not matched. In that sense, yes, I failed miserably. However, I have gleaned some major and minor insights into How Shit Works inside my own head.

One, is that I am apparently a kinetic creature. If I stop moving for too long, depression sets in and renders me nigh useless. I am also ill-equipped to deal with slow-moving times right now. Using weather as an analogy; for the time I was off, it was like going on an extended vacation. Only a day or two after my vacation started, it decided to rain/hail/pour and otherwise make tromping around outside woefully miserable. Since I was "camping", I did not bring a whole lot of indoor activities to do. My entire vacation was planned around going out and frolicking in the woods. With the rain/wind/tornado-esque weather.... well, suddenly I was INSIDE with a whole lot of nothing to do. And so I frittered away my vacation by alternately looking out the window, wondering when the rain would end, and occasionally slipping out during light rain to do a little bit of hiking, but coming back when the weather took a turn for the worse.

And I did not pack an umbrella, rain slicker, galoshes or other rain-proof clothing because hey, it's a vacation! Rain doesn't happen on vacations!

Foolish thinking from a foolish fool.

Now that I'm "back" from "vacation"... I'm noticing that my current umbrella is one of those tiny, single-person things, and I don't own a good rain jacket or pair of rain boots. Which make things difficult to bear the weather HERE, even if they do keep me slightly less damp than NO umbrella.

Which is just one of the few things I noticed from TRYING to keep myself on a "boot camp" schedule, rather than not. The next couple of realizations involve Tumblr links and a few comics from other people.

[First One] is from Stephen McCranie. I don't know how work from a hole in the wall, but the comic really resonated with me. Y'see, I have a Very Bad Habit of admonishing myself every time, "I ought to be working on this" or "I should be doing this, that and another three things all at the same time." ..... and really, wind up getting nothing of the above done. I've gotten better about breaking down projects into little goals and hitting some of them some of the time, but I still have a long way to go before I'm going to be halfway where I want to be.

[Second One] is from Spike, of Templar Arizona fame. A few years ago, when Atrian and I went on our wild, weekend-long roadtrip to Massachusetts for Webcomic Weekend, I got to sit in on a world building lecture with Spike and a few other artists. The only quote from that lecture that has stuck with me, is Spike telling us about how her husband described her (and other artists) as "Idea Hoovers". Artists CONSTANTLY take in ideas, hoovering up ideas, notions, and bits of everything they come into contact, then (as the debris floats around in the giant vacuum bag that is our brains) we'll flip the "Reverse" switch and spew out.... well, whatever we've come up with. Spike's comic really got me to thinking about this sort of stuff again. I have a handful of artists I respect, on multiple levels for multiple reasons, that I've been 'hoovering' behind for YEARS. I'm pretty stuffed to the gills with shit I've osmosis'd from them. I need to find my 'Reverse' switch and churn some of these ideas back out.

These two comics, plus a handful of other sticky ideas I've been rattling around with, have got me seriously re-evaluating my "goals". Work is going to help jostle a lot of them loose, because now I suddenly have a schedule to work around that ISN'T anyone else's*. The other thing that will help is changing up what my goals are. I mean, I still have my over-arching "Want two drawr gud", but like.... I used to come UP with shit back in high school. Doodles everywhere. The first split came when this new-fangled "digital art" technology came around. Suddenly I had to learn TWO ways to draw/color things. Sure it was easy to just scan in my sketches and color them, but that's when I first started leaving sketches unfinished. "Oh I'll just color it later after I scan it in."

...yeah. Right. I still don't have reliable access to a scanner (though my harpy is just down the hall, so it's CLOSER than I've been to a scanner in a while), but I'm too "afraid" to color shit because I don't want to touch it before I can scan it and possibly digitally color it.

New goals are going to be different. Warm-up doodles can be fun shit (Pokémon, dargons, old characters, new stuff, whatever), and those get inked/colored/whatever with because FINISH SHIT NUMBNUTS. THAT IS HOW YOU GET BETTER. Hopefully it won't take too long for me to get my edge back, then I can move onto phase 2, which is comics! Currently there is an anthology I am side-eyeing super hard about trying out for and, even if I don't get in, I want to make 2014 the year I start my kaiju comic. I'd LOVE to finish it, but I don't know how long it's going to wind up being. It's broken into three distinct sections right now, which could translate to three books, or three chapters in a single book, or something totally different. Going to be using NaNoWriMo as an excuse to hammer out the first draft of the script. Whether it's the first draft of the first section of the script, or the entire thing, will left to be seen....but I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do the thing.


So yeah. As far as Doing Stuff goes... yeah, colossal failure. Didn't do near as much of anything as I wanted, though my clothes managed to stay put up and my room got way cleaner. I think I have a handle on the future though. Feel like letting myself off of a tight lead and allowing more room for freedom will help me in the long run.

We'll see how things pan out though. Especially after 3:30am. Eugh.

*- read: my roommates. I've been doing the bulk of the food creation and kitchen cleaning since I was out of work, which meant that my brain equated THAT to work, so I just wanted to goof off after I had accomplished...whatever it was there was to do during the day. Now I have an actual WORK schedule, so cleaning/cooking can get shunted back into the "chore" zone, and art... well, needs to live in the fun zone more.
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hawthorneox: (Default)

June 2014


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