hawthorneox: (LiraStars)
2014-06-01 12:02 am

Good Morning, Noon and Night

After losing/regaining my password (long story, don't ask) and having a WHIRLWIND start to 2014, I am (safely) back and.... have just signed up for [livejournal.com profile] artslam.


Crazy? Probably. Am I tired not not doing art and watching everyone participate in ArtSlam every year? Definitely.

I am not brazen enough to sign up for all three months, but I'm plotting to use June as a warm-up, July to do a Pokémon-A-Day (maybe following the December Pokémon Challenge thing, or just doing 31 of my favorite Pokémon) and then August I am FINALLY going to dip my feet into pencilling out my kaiju comic idea.


At least, if I make the cut-off. I'll probably still play along as I usually do on the sidelines, but for whatever reason it seemed like I good idea to officially-offically sign up this year.


Who knows? Weirder things have happened..............
hawthorneox: (LiraStars)
2014-02-03 08:15 pm

Happy New Year; have a panic attack!

"If you do no jump, I will push you."

Or in other words, how I fell ass-first into realizing what I'm doing is scary as shit.

Raw emotions below; I'm still staggering under the weight of all this )

Normally writing here in LJ, I've already processed most of my emotions and it's more of a, "Here how I was feeling, now here's how I am going to handle this." rather than a raw emotions dump.... but I can't process this. It staggers me to think I actually succeeded in doing something in the real world. Not getting a million hits/comments/likes on a picture I posted, not having people randomly message me on Tumblr going, "Hey I like your stuff.", not anything digital. My art is hanging up in a deli about fifteen minutes up the road.... and probably is in horrendous need of rearranging and new frames...but FUCK.

I'm just numb right now. Never thought I'd get this far, yeah? Like a cat chasing birds, but not actually knowing what to do when they manage to actually catch one.

I know the solution is probably just to pick up my pencil and keep on trucking.... everything is just still so shocky and new and overwhelming, I don't even have any idea where to start.
hawthorneox: (LiraStars)
2013-11-21 04:01 pm

Hey now, when we gonna wake up? ~ ♫

Slowly chugging along in my Adulting business. Called Dad to let him know what was up for Thanksgiving work hours. Paid both my phone and car bills. Now to just hope that next week's paycheck will take a chunk out of my rent. Fnrgh, gotta remember to order checks tomorrow. Otherwise, haha, paying rent is gonna be annoying.

Art Words Under Here )


My brain is just getting in the way again. I think that's the moral of the story to this particular vein of ranting. I haven't done nearly enough art (fannish or otherwise) to even gauge what I'm doing right now. Urgh, I may just cut this short because I think I found the shiny red motivation button to hit to get myself going again. I do have stuff to ink, which is a step ahead of where I was a few weeks ago. I do also have a few ideas I've been kicking around. Actual full-pictures I want to do... watercolor, of course. I'm still amazed that after my years-long hatred of them, they are honestly one of my favorite mediums now. Funny how that works out.

Left myself enough threads here I may pick up shuffling more words around later. I do have some legitimate concerns/observations about my lack of definition to my drawings right now.... I just also think that it's best for me to actually, y'know, DRAW MORE because I completely decide that what I'm producing right now is rubbish.
hawthorneox: (LiraStars)
2013-11-19 09:49 am

Drop the beat~ ♫

So! The fun thing about writing things out is that sometimes it jars shit loose that you didn't think about until the words were set down. Then you can look back and the words and go, "Oh! THAT'S why thing happened."

In this particular case, I pieced tow and two together about WHY I've been bordering narcoleptic for the past few weeks.

1) The fun part about caffeine is that it's technically a drug. Which means when you ingest it for an extended period of time then stop ingesting it, you get withdrawl-like symptoms, :D

2) When you start re-taking your multi-vitamins, that have the exact wording of "Energy Supplement", at odd hours (either because you cannot remember when you took them, or you are taking two a day* to make sure your body gets its nutrition), your body responds in kind by keeping you awake.

Combine both of these, plus a healthy dose of bad brainweather, and you get the incredibly strong urge to sleep for 10+ hours, followed by staying awake for 10+ hours, :DDD


I never made any claim to being the brightest crayon in the box. I am just a simple glitter crayon.

Thankfully figuring this out has me back on track to taking care of myself. Vitamins only in the morning, back to having soda DURING THE DAY, only on weekends (I cut myself down to one can per weekend day**), no food after 10:30pm (I was being about this one because of my work schedule - no means no, however), and I may start taking walks or something to get some of this excess energy out of my system before bed.


Might ramble about art later. Might just do art and be done with things. Need to make some, "The rumors of my death have been completely exaggerated" posts on various blogs. Need to start some blogs up again. I was good about doing Adult Stuff yesterday... need to do more of it today, but some of it makes me squidgy. It involves math and how much money I don't have, X(


Oh well. I'm giving myself this week to sort everything out. If I can do one thing a day, it'll be done in no time.


* - They're the mini-multi-vitamins, so every 2 minis = 1 regular horsepill
** - Occasional Friday, but mostly Saturday and Sunday
hawthorneox: (LiraStars)
2013-11-18 11:00 am

Had enough repeating, it's all been done before ~ ♫

Realized I haven't been updating here like I have been... Nothing in particular for that; I've just been sleeping a lot. Can't even really say it's been depression. I'm just... sleeping is my shut-down reaction to everything. I spend equal parts awake and asleep it seems like lately. Sleep for seven hours, up for seven hours, sleep for five hours... hopefully I'll stay awake for longer than that, but who knows.

Words below )

Hffff, as much as I want to wax poetic about my artwork, I think I'm gonna save it for an entry that isn't gunked up with other RL stuff. Not that art/RL don't coexist... Some of the stuff I want to cover has no roots in how I'm feeling right now. Just a lot of observations/musings about my art over the years, plus where I'm vaguely wanting to push towards. I feel like it's worth its own post at any rate.


Before I go, have a link:

~ Worm: A Web Serial :: The overall theme for this story is "Being Taylor Is Suffering". Once you've accepted this, the rest of the tale is actually REALLY FREAKING AWESOME. I cannot say enough good things about how much this story turns super hero (and super villain) tropes right on their ear. It explores some really awesome dynamics about "real" super heroes and makes you really think about how one decision can affect a broad scope of things. Keep in mind that a) most chapters end on cliffhangers (because this is a serial; you want to keep coming back for more, right?) and b) this is a Not Nice story. Real deal shit happens. Not a happy-hugbox story. It isn't that everything is all woe and depression all the time, but... Life is rough. Good stuff happens, bad stuff happens and when you're fifteen years old, sometimes you don't make the best choices (even if they are buried in good intentions). Well worth the read though, IMO.
hawthorneox: (LiraStars)
2013-10-24 03:28 pm

Things I Have Learned

With my imminent 3:30am shift coming tomorrow (Friday) morning, I'm not-really-but-almost declaring my Boot Camp over. Was it a failed experiment? Well...

Wordy words )

*exhales*

So yeah. As far as Doing Stuff goes... yeah, colossal failure. Didn't do near as much of anything as I wanted, though my clothes managed to stay put up and my room got way cleaner. I think I have a handle on the future though. Feel like letting myself off of a tight lead and allowing more room for freedom will help me in the long run.

We'll see how things pan out though. Especially after 3:30am. Eugh.




*- read: my roommates. I've been doing the bulk of the food creation and kitchen cleaning since I was out of work, which meant that my brain equated THAT to work, so I just wanted to goof off after I had accomplished...whatever it was there was to do during the day. Now I have an actual WORK schedule, so cleaning/cooking can get shunted back into the "chore" zone, and art... well, needs to live in the fun zone more.
hawthorneox: (LiraStars)
2013-10-14 07:21 pm

Boot Camp Test, Day 0...8? 08.

Haha, I forgot I added more people to my Friend's List here in an attempt to spruce up the place a bit. Imagine my surprise when I went to my Calendar to check on the date and, oops, I actually have updates to read.

In my defense I HAVE been busy though.

30 Minutes of Catch Up News today )

Another thing that's helped is banning myself from Pokémon until dora gets home, XD I know that I wouldn't be near as productive if I could just laze around and play all day, but this way I don't get too ahead of him either. It's really been fun keeping pace with someone else, so I want to make it last for as long as possible.


Collectively it's probably been about 30 minutes, so I'm gonna get going here. Think I like doing these updates more in the morning though, so we'll try that for tomorrow.
hawthorneox: (MakeSomething)
2013-10-09 02:02 pm

Boot Camp Test, Day 03

Writing three pages on Day 1 took up about a half hour's time and was pretty 0kay. I did it first thing in the morning (0930 ~ 1000) and my day seemed pretty decent. Didn't get everything in the entry accomplished, but I started some of it.

Day 02 saw some bad brain weather roll in, so that coupled with my plan to try writing for a half-hour at the end of my day (and trying to type it out in a GDoc, rather than on physical paper) meant that it never happened. I did more of the things I did the day before, however, and I even managed to make myself a forum signature and start on a second one.

Today is Day 03 and I'm moving to where ALL of my writing used to happen : LiveJournal. So let's get writing.

Cut for my half-hour of rambling. Feel free to read if you wanna know WTF I'm undertaking this time )


Aaaand we're at the 2pm mark, so I've officially written for a half hour! A decent enough post to start with. I'm not sure if I'll keep up writing here for the duration or not, but a post every other day or something could be fun.... Ah well, LEARNING IS FUN.
hawthorneox: (LiraStars)
2013-09-18 01:33 pm
Entry tags:

MOART Moments :: Ice Home

Not dead. Yet. Not for lack of Murphy trying, I promise.

But I finished a picture and figured it'd be a nice thing to share today.

Nine years of practice leads to some pretty awesome things [+4] )

I'm still puttering around trying to get ready for AWA. Finally feeling clear-headed enough to start some of my bigger projects, so hopefully the rest of this week can be used more wisely than the first half, =_=;; Them's some words that need tellin'... but later.

Right now, I need to swap my laundry out, re-make my bed and see if I can find a desk under all of these art supplies..............
hawthorneox: (LiraStars)
2013-08-02 06:40 pm

It's on and on and off and on~ ♫

It's August. Damn. I honestly didn't mean to leave things lying around here that long. Life just....*handwaves* It did the thing where things happened too fast for me to really hang on unless I did almost next to nothing else and even then my head is STILL spinning.

... so let's try to catch-up, shall we?

In which our intrepid hero loses a job, gains a job, and does half a dozen other things in the interrim )

Lessee... in mundane news, not long after Animal Crossing came out, I mortgaged the OTHER half of my soul to a silly online dragon-game. Which then promptly rolled over and screamed at how many new players it was getting. I managed to get myself in, plus a couple of my other friends, so if anyone is playing Flight Rising, I'm over: [here], :D

((It's a really fun and silly game, which some people take WAY SRSLY and wow is the economy stilted right now))

I also downloaded a collection on Steam that included Spelunx (Spelunx and the Caves of Mr. Seudo - which was one of my FAVORITE GAMES as a kid), Myst (and all of its sequels) and a couple of other things that I didn't really care about. I honestly have yet to boot up Myst (which now that I think about it is super surprising - might have to fix that tonight). Also nabbed 'Orcs Must Die' which is a SUPER FUN tower-defense game. So many new games *o*




A neat thing I discovered... well a few days ago, but yesterday is when it kicked my ass into gear about cleaning, is [this website]. It's called Unfuck Your Habitat. On the surface, it's just a cleaning blog with super helpful "How to" cleaning tips/suggestions. What makes it amazing (to me) however, is how SUPPORTIVE this blog is. The owner doesn't care how sick/healthy/wealthy/poor you are. People are never shamed for HOW badly their habitat may be fucked up; everyone is equal in their un-fucking progress. The key aspects are pretty awesome to. Spend 20 minutes cleaning something, take a 10 minute break. Rinse repeat until whatever surface/room you are cleaning is done.
I managed to get a LOT cleaned yesterday and, while I haven't been the most focused today, I have done a fair amount of un-fucking to my art desk.

Pretty awesome stuff!



So yes. That's where I've been. True to form, I got 40 hours work-weeks right up until my last day, which means a decent paycheck to hold me over until my new paycheck starts happening. Never going back there EVER again though. I mean it this time.


Hfff, think that's everything. Hope everyone is doing okay. I still check my Friend's Page, even if I'm horrible about commenting. Gotta try to change that soon. Gonna go back to cleaning my desk and then get some dinner, I think.





* - which, as a side note. If you tell someone, "I'll call you back to tell you if you did or did not get the job.", either call them back when you say you will OR AT LEAST ANSWER THEIR FUCKING EMAIL ABOUT THE JOB. I waited the allotted amount of time they said they'd get back to me, sent an email after that time had passed and have absolutely NOTHING from them. It's been two weeks now. Pretty sure I didn't get it, :|

** - I'm not stupid enough to think I'll have anywhere NEAR a decent income before then, but I'm aiming for New Years to at least be able to like.. pay one bill from art money or something.
hawthorneox: (SquigglyLira)
2013-07-10 11:18 am
Entry tags:

MOART Moments :: Catch-all catch-up

I wish I could say I've been busy. I mean, with the volume of art I'm about to post, you'd think I WAS busy.

But no. No, I have not been. Between mortgaging my soul to Animal Crossing: New Leaf (FC: 2277-6732-7712) and getting jerked around by Kinkos, I'm scraping the bottom of my Energy barrel. One more month before I can transfer ANYWHERE ELSE in the company feels like it's going to be forever. Hell, I'm not even sure I want to transfer anywhere else (except Out. Permanently.), but that's another post for another time. Specifically later at night. Because hooboy, yay for Growing Up pains and Changes.

This post isn't about that though. It's about, "Hey, I'm not dead yet. Look at the art I've managed to do.". Enjoy.

Progress pictures, some color, all digital amazingly enough [+12] )

So yeah. Like I said. I look busier than I have been. Or at least how I FEEL I've been. This whole growing-up business is headachier than the movies make it out to be. Bluh.

Maybe I'll write-up that post later tomorrow or something... Lord knows I need to word-vomit somewhere before I explode. Again.
hawthorneox: (SquigglyLira)
2013-06-12 02:32 pm

MOART Moments :: World Building Wednesdays

Hey all~

So I decided I liked the idea of doing World Building Wednesdays. Like, really like the idea. As I was rolling out of bed this morning, I realized I knew which world I wanted to work on today. Well, less work on and more share with everyone, but still! It is a world and it is a story idea I have.

Today's world is big. Or rather, I think it's big. It's Earth-based, specifically around some remote islands in a large ocean. The island that our story takes place on has humans. But is also inhabited by a few grand species of [kaiju].

And now I've just given myself more ideas. [+10] )

And sadly, I'm going to have to leave off on this note because Day Job is calling... I've left myself a pretty good start though (and everyone now has a pretty good idea of what I'm working with!), so hopefully I can pick up next week with more actual world-BUILDING things.
hawthorneox: (SquigglyLira)
2013-06-12 01:55 pm
Entry tags:

MOART Moments :: World Building Wednesdays

Hey all~

So I decided I liked the idea of doing World Building Wednesdays. Like, really like the idea. As I was rolling out of bed this morning, I realized I knew which world I wanted to work on today. Well, less work on and more share with everyone, but still! It is a world and it is a story idea I have.

Today's world is big. Or rather, I think it's big. It's Earth-based, specifically around some remote islands in a large ocean. The island that our story takes place on has humans. But is also inhabited by a few grand species of [kaiju].

And now I've just given myself more ideas. [+10] )

And sadly, I'm going to have to leave off on this note because Day Job is calling... I've left myself a pretty good start though (and everyone now has a pretty good idea of what I'm working with!), so hopefully I can pick up next week with more actual world-BUILDING things.
hawthorneox: (SquigglyLira)
2013-06-05 01:50 pm

MOART - Moment

May got away from me. I'm not really surprised that it did, but it's still disappointing. I learned a LOT, however, both about myself and Life in general over the course of the month. I heard from and got to see people that I haven't had contact from in years, plus the comments you guys have left on my entries were great.

Which means I am ready to gather myself up and start moving forward again.

The awesome news is that my Day Job schedule has officially (at least for the next two weeks) been slashed to reasonable working hours. I'm still skeptical about it for the long run, but right now it's greater than it was.




So I'm going to be trying something new today. The suggestion came from [livejournal.com profile] neogeen:

"So maybe a Moart Moment? No obligation to post every day. Instead you can work a little here and there on a post, and then post when it happens. No stress about "it didn't get done today!" but rather "I'll shave out 10 minutes here to add a few sentences save and put it away"."


MOART Moments will just... happen. I still want to stick to some of the guidelines I use for my MOART Month outlines (plus the World-Building Wednesday one I inadvertently stumbled over) but, to save myself the crunch and the headache and the Stress about keeping up an entire month of them, I'm just going to let them happen as they come.

Some might be planned (I'm gathering a collection of Pokémon doodles, also the aformentioned WBW), some might just appear out of the blue as I finish working on something (or I want to show you what I finished RIGHT NOW OMG), but they'll happen.


[+1] )

I'm really excited to start trying to work on things as they come.... especially with my newfound afternoons.

First order of business is to get my workspace spruced back up, but I am aiming to have that done by this weekend. Then next week I can REALLY start working on stuff again.



June really is looking up.

Only took us five months to get here, hey?
hawthorneox: (SquigglyLira)
2013-06-05 01:50 pm

MOART - Moment

May got away from me. I'm not really surprised that it did, but it's still disappointing. I learned a LOT, however, both about myself and Life in general over the course of the month. I heard from and got to see people that I haven't had contact from in years, plus the comments you guys have left on my entries were great.

Which means I am ready to gather myself up and start moving forward again.

The awesome news is that my Day Job schedule has officially (at least for the next two weeks) been slashed to reasonable working hours. I'm still skeptical about it for the long run, but right now it's greater than it was.




So I'm going to be trying something new today. The suggestion came from [personal profile] neogeen:

"So maybe a Moart Moment? No obligation to post every day. Instead you can work a little here and there on a post, and then post when it happens. No stress about "it didn't get done today!" but rather "I'll shave out 10 minutes here to add a few sentences save and put it away"."


MOART Moments will just... happen. I still want to stick to some of the guidelines I use for my MOART Month outlines (plus the World-Building Wednesday one I inadvertently stumbled over) but, to save myself the crunch and the headache and the Stress about keeping up an entire month of them, I'm just going to let them happen as they come.

Some might be planned (I'm gathering a collection of Pokémon doodles, also the aformentioned WBW), some might just appear out of the blue as I finish working on something (or I want to show you what I finished RIGHT NOW OMG), but they'll happen.


[+1] )

I'm really excited to start trying to work on things as they come.... especially with my newfound afternoons.

First order of business is to get my workspace spruced back up, but I am aiming to have that done by this weekend. Then next week I can REALLY start working on stuff again.



June really is looking up.

Only took us five months to get here, hey?
hawthorneox: (LiraStars)
2013-05-09 02:23 pm
Entry tags:

MOART May - Day 9 :: Time Skip

Time skip, time skip. I'll make a more formal post about what happened and why later, but for right now, let's try to get back on the wagon about posting some art, hey?


Personal Character Designs Today [+2] )


Personal characters are always fun to come up with.
hawthorneox: (SquigglyLira)
2013-05-09 02:23 pm
Entry tags:

MOART May - Day 9 :: Time Skip

Time skip, time skip. I'll make a more formal post about what happened and why later, but for right now, let's try to get back on the wagon about posting some art, hey?


Personal Character Designs Today [+2] )


Personal characters are always fun to come up with.
hawthorneox: (SquigglyLira)
2013-05-03 12:30 pm
Entry tags:

MOART May - Day 3 :: Delayed!

Hey guys,

Day 3 of MOART May will be delayed until 9 or 10pm EST tonight. I forgot I had to leave into work early for my three-month review, so I won’t be able to scrap together a post until I get off of work tonight.

Also it seems while I have a bunch of scanned sketches, I don’t have any of them sized properly! Whoops! So I have a little bit of homework to do tonight as well.

Hope everyone is enjoying themselves and we’ll be back tonight! Same bat time, same bat channel!
hawthorneox: (SquigglyLira)
2013-05-03 12:28 pm
Entry tags:

MOART May - Day 3 :: Delayed!

Hey guys,

Day 3 of MOART May will be delayed until 9 or 10pm EST tonight. I forgot I had to leave into work early for my three-month review, so I won’t be able to scrap together a post until I get off of work tonight.

Also it seems while I have a bunch of scanned sketches, I don’t have any of them sized properly! Whoops! So I have a little bit of homework to do tonight as well.

Hope everyone is enjoying themselves and we’ll be back tonight! Same bat time, same bat channel!
hawthorneox: (SquigglyLira)
2013-05-02 01:20 pm
Entry tags:

MOART May - Day 2 :: Frozen Solid

It's amazing what a little time and tutorials will do for a picture.


Ice is Nice [+7] )

~*~

But yes. Time and tutorials can do wonders for changing an image. Never be afraid to experiment with your work!